It turns out that the Inner Critic’s “perspective” arises from our nervous system simply trying to protect us. Only it’s not very helpful when our confidence suffers for listening to a litany of criticism. We mistake these thoughts for ourselves. Then we get on the Inner Critic’s thought train and ride all the way to Miseryville. For some, the Inner Critic creates paralyzing anxiety.

What causes this?

In the course of everyday life, challenges and stress accumulate. If we’ve had sudden losses, a medical or dental procedure that leaves us shaken, painful experiences in childhood, our nervous system becomes more vigilant. We have difficulty easing down from this heightened activity level of the nervous system.

Our bodies stand ready to take emergency action. The mind follows suit telling us that something is wrong. Enter the Inner Critic, warning us to play it safe. Cajoling us to stop what we’re doing to prevent further loss or pain.

But this voice of caution is driven by old and incomplete information from the past, and fear about the future.

When I was a kid, Mr. Magoo, a cartoon character who was so sighted that he’d walk off cliffs, step in front of cars, and yet he escaped harm’s way by sheer good luck. He portrayed the Inner Critic’s worst nightmare: to trust that the world is a safe place and to step into the unknown!

If we asked the Inner Critic, we’d probably learn that reducing our anxiety would be foolish!

How to make peace with critical thoughts? And the Inner Critic.

We can go directly to the source that underlies the Inner Critics vigilance – the body and nervous system where stress is stored. We can use the mind to consult the body by simple observation and curiosity about body sensations. These fears, stored in the body, are more readily released by observing the body’s language: sensation.

Here’s an example from my own life. Dental procedures often unhinge me. It’s not painful, just scary. At the last visit to the dentist I tried something different. Rather than trying to be strong, I asked the assistant to hold my hand, even though it felt a little ridiculous (enter the Inner Critic telling me “how childish!”).

As I felt the stress rising in my body, I took little breaks from the drilling when it got too overwhelming. And when it was all done, I sat in the chair and surrendered to my body’s need to shake. I did this by turning my attention to my body and away from thought. I noticed the tension holding my body rigid. I waited and watched, looking inward to body sensation. Soon a little quiver started in my upper back and that gradually moved to shaking in my right arm. After a while it gently subsided.

It was the first time in years that I walked away from the dentist feeling pretty good. Wild animals do this instinctively to shake off stress, and thrive though they face life and death risks regularly.

What else can we do?

We can use our eyes! When we let our eyes look around to see what gives them pleasure, it’s like a circuit breaker cutting off juice to the Inner Critic. When I work with clients’ recovering from accumulated stress and trauma, they can find this simple activity challenging. We get used to scanning or looking rather than Seeing. Seeing brings us in contact with the here and now. Scanning for what’s wrong only feeds You Know Who.

What do your eyes see right now that gives them pleasure?

I remember reclining in the dentist’s chair, looking at the same old things in the sterile office until I remembered this simple tool. So I really looked and freed my eyes to See. I found soothing blue colors in the undersea poster on the ceiling. Beholding the colors and patterns, I felt a distinct shift toward relaxation. I didn’t think it would work and was surprised!

Try it right now yourself. Just look around notice how your eyes might first scan quickly. Then they start looking. And then you might notice a slight shift inside as your eyes start to drink in the room or the view.

Feeding the Three Hungry Wolves

Imagine we have three “wolves” inside of us. When we feed them:

• the wolf of fear, the mind ricochets with danger and worry .
• feed the wolf of happiness, we are energized and busy.
• feed the wolf of well-being, we live in a place of ease, ready for what life offers.

We need all three wolves. When we need to flee or fight, we want that wolf to be well fed and ready to defend. We also need to be able to connect with others and enjoy our lives. And when we have a belly full of well-being, we help the other two wolves stay healthy and engaged and enlarge our capacity to be in the here and now.

If accumulated stress has rewired your circuitry, feeding the wolf of fear, your circuit breaker may need a little more capacity. For our nervous systems, the circuit breaker is the mind’s ability to observe.

When the wolf of fear uses all our bandwidth, the Inner Critic takes over our thinking. Here’s what you can do to move toward well-being:

• Start noticing which wolf is in charge!
• Then gently shift your focus to what your eyes see. Name a few things that you notice.
• Notice what your eyes enjoy seeing.
• When your attention lands on something pleasing, describe it to yourself, as if you were telling someone who was fascinated by your perceptions.
• Feel the shift that begins like a whisper in your body toward either neutrality or perhaps even settling.
• Notice how your body breathes out for a few cycles.

These few simple steps can decrease fear thoughts saturating the mind with stress chemicals. The more often you play with these simple steps, like training a beloved pet, your body enhances its capacity for well-being by practicing it.

You may have a thermostat at home and on the cold days you can turn the thermostat up to make your home more cozy. In the same way, you can turn up your well-being thermostat by dialing in these simple steps.

And best of all, the only side effect is more relaxation and less fear.

The post Dancing with Your Inner Critic : Question Your Thoughts appeared first on Oregon Somatic Therapy.

“My brain is deeply flawed.

And no offense, but so is yours.”

I loved this quote from the Guinea Pig Diaries by AJ Jacobs, so much that it inspired this article.

I spend a bit of time watching my brain at work these days. I used to believe what my brain told me. But I’ve come to notice my neocortex (the wrinkly outer layer of the brain) jumps right over rationality and “what is,” to forecast danger, predict disaster, and intensify worry. . . all in the name of keeping me safe. Thank you very much neocortex, but my everyday life doesn’t need your dark cloud!

Our brains developed like a patch work quilt over millions of years to solve problems such as outsmarting the local predator or out-maneuvering the clan next door who wants to take over my cave. Our brains evolved to solve Paleolithic problems, not the stresses of modern life. I don’t know anyone who’s run into a grizzly bear or a mountain lion in a very long time.

Double Binds, Fight or Flight and Black & White Thinking

When I have a tight deadline, my neocortex helpfully calculates the chance of completing the task on time. Unfortunately it also calculates the number of people I’ll let down if I don’t make the deadline as well as the smaller number of people who will be hurt or disappointed if I make the deadline but push them to the sidelines with my race to the finish line.

With the likelihood of failing in at least one side of this double bind, my neocortex orders up a cocktail of adrenaline and cortisol to kick start the sympathetic nervous system’s fight or flight plan, so I can multitask my way to the finish line. Unfortunately adrenaline causes the brain to see reality as black and white, people as enemy or friends, them or us. Complex tasks become dilemmas.

A Client with Test Anxiety Getting off the Worry Train

Here’s an example of a client troubled by test anxiety. His keen intellect served him well. As one of those Mensa types he could out think most of us, except when he had to take a test. To qualify for a new position he needed to take a series of proficiency exams. After studying, he aced every practice tests. However, when observed by the proctor at the other end of the webcam, he’d freeze. After failing the exam for the third time, he came in for help with his test anxiety.

His brain stepped aboard on the “worry train” which took him right out of town to Anxietyville until he learned to observe body sensations.

Experiencing Healthy Pleasure

In our first session, we chatted about what he loved about being an engineer. I asked him to describe body sensations like the confidence and passion he experienced at work. Being a question he’d never considered before, it took him a few minutes to name and describe what he was feeling. He caught on fast. We chatted for about 10 minutes about his pleasure in his work. When I saw his body and mind were settled and enjoying the experience, we moved to the problem that brought him to see me, the test anxiety.

Next I asked what happens in his body when he’s sitting in front of his computer, with the proctor watching him. “My stomach gets this terrible knot. My chest feels like a tight band keeps it from moving and my hands feel cold and numb.” His mind naturally wanted to analyze these body sensations to explain the rather than simply observe them.

Observing Without Analyzing, Employing Curiosity

When he settled back into curiosity rather than analysis, he continued tracking body sensations. He noticed something different start to happen. After tracking quietly for a few minutes, he reported that “my right shoulder is tingling. My head is getting very hot. My stomach is feeling cooler. My eyes feel tears. This is crazy.”

With a little encouragement, he continued to observe rather than analyze. After a few more minutes he looked up with a bit of a puzzled expression and said “I don’t feel anything. The uncomfortable feelings are gone.” His body processed the anxiety and let it dissolved naturally.

I invited him to take in his surroundings and he notice how things looked. He was surprised that things looked sharper, clearer and he noticed more of the decorations in the office. Next I invited him to savor the feeling of ease and peacefulness in his body, and describe the body sensations he noticed.

Your Body’s Organic Intelligence

He experienced the body’s organic intelligence. This same body IQ wild animals use to discharge the stress of being hunted. Their built in wisdom can keep them from being a predator’s next meal by naturally discharging stress and trauma, as the client had just done. Animals do this naturally, unlike our human brains which easily catapult us into the past or the future, rather than living in the present.

Tracking Body Sensations

After a couple more sessions to prepare for his next exam he felt ready to take the test. When he sat facing the screen for the 4th time, the tension and anxiety came up, but he observed body sensations rather than freezing up. As he tracked, the tightness and fear sensations crested like a roller coaster and released their hold on him. He passed his exam.

Behind the scenes with the Therapist.

To learn more about how Somatic Experiencing® works and get a glimpse into what is happening on as the process happens

Negativity Bias of the Brain

Our brains are hard wired to look for danger, threat and risk without any effort on our part. For example, think back over the last year, and remember a compliment someone gave you. Then remember an insult or cutting remark. Which came to you effortlessly? Many people have no trouble with the insult.

And if you struggle with anxiety or depression, you probably have an active Inner Critic which blithely tells you everything that’s wrong with you, such as: “you don’t look right,” “eat right, sleep right, think right, dress right,” “no one likes you,” or \your prospects for the future are bad. . . .”

Don’t believe everything you think.

Most of us wouldn’t treat our worst enemy the way our brains boss us around! Most people believe their thoughts are real and that self-criticism will somehow motivate them to be better people. It would be great if this strategy works. But it makes most of us tense and unhappy. Problem solving rather than self-criticism gives better results!

Don’t believe everything you think.

Dr. John Gottman, has researched relationships in his marriage lab for 25 years. He discovered that couples in happy long term relationships treat each other gently with the “slow start up” because they manage the fight or flight responses. Dr. Gottman noted that it takes seven positive comments or behaviors to outweigh one negative comment. It’s just more energy efficient to be kind to our mates if we want our relationships to last.

Things to Try at Home

Things you and do to awaken your body’s organic intelligence:

• Check out these tools on our website
• Start noticing your thoughts instead of thinking and believing them. Be curious and ask “Is it true . . . I should . . . lose weight? She should be nice to me? I should have a better job?” Who wouldn’t want these things of course! But when we think these thoughts most people feel more tense, more anxious, more irritated, more depressed. And they may not even be true.
• SoulCollage® gives you a fun, relaxing and powerful way to outsmart your analyzing brain. Check out my next SoulCollage® workshop
• Read or listen to a great book published in 2009 by Rick Hanson, Buddha’s Brain: The Practical Neuroscience of Happiness, Love and & Wisdom
• HeartMath Institute researches how supporting heart intelligence enables the parasympathetic nervous system to bring natural ease and well-being into the body. They have discovered for example, that inhaling speeds up the heart and activates the sympathetic nervous system (fight or flight) and the exhale activates the relaxation response in the parasympathetic nervous system. This change in the heart rate turns out to bring inner peace and even health. Stress and trauma decreased this heart rate variability. They sell a little biofeedback device that helps increase and anchor these natural healthy responses in heart rate.
• Somatic Experiencing® therapy also works by reviving the natural stress immunity of our body’s organic intelligence. Give Suzie a call 503-224-3318 or email suzie@suziewolfer.com this gentle cutting edge approach for working with stress, difficult emotions like anxiety, depression, panic or anger and feel better naturally.

The post Don’t Believe Everything You Think! Question Your Thoughts appeared first on Oregon Somatic Therapy.

Perhaps you sense a Core You who feels safe and at peace, who is without pain or fear, who never feels anxiety or depression. These aspects of yourself often get buried as we grow up, but they never disappear. As we uncover our innate Essence qualities, we automatically begin to tap into our aliveness, creativity and intuition. The Authentic self is like a compass that guides us to True North. Essence Qualities could be enthusiasm, adventurous, efficient, patient, visionary, honest, understanding, spontaneous, humorous, willing, responsible, loving, faithful, loyal, trusting, compassionate, courageous, forgiving, simple, playful, joyful, creative, grateful, transforming, inspirational, open, mothering

Each of us creates our own form of emotional protection in order make our way through life’s challenges. These layers of protection served us well as children, but they may hinder us as adult

The Princess and the Pea as metaphor for Soul

In “The Princess and The Pea” a tale written by Hans Christian Anderson, a little girl discovers she is a princess because she can feel a tiny pea hidden under 20 mattresses and 20 down comforters. In our own lives the pea stands in for Soul, or our enduring Essence.

In the normal course of modern life, we have all experienced rejection, betrayal, neglect or even trauma. And the body’s build in protection helps to hide parts of our Essence in order to cope. These protective covers kept our authentic selves safe from harm as we took on roles and behaviors that disguised our true identity for safe keeping. With each challenge, we added another layer (mattress) of protection and may have forgotten our real self.

These “mattresses” include our perceptions and fears, coping methods to keep us from feeling the pain of loss. Most people arrive at adulthood having forgotten that they are not just their bodies, their jobs, their relationships, their possessions. They sense something is missing but can’t quite tell what it is. Like the pea in the bed that keeps you awake at night, you have a vague sense of discomfort and longing to remember something precious.

Signals like anxiety, depression, stress, pain or uncomfortable body sensations can lead us, like the keen instincts of a Sherlock Holmes to discover where we misplaced our authentic selves. Our Essence hasn’t gone anywhere; it’s simply waiting safely to be uncovered.

Ways to Discover Authentic Self

• Write or say the words “I am” 20, 30 even 40 times until you get down through all the layers. When you arrive at essence you will feel a sense of “yes”, and your body will take a deep breath, and you feel a sense of aliveness or warmth flow through your body
• Think of someone you deeply love or admire. Write or think about the enduring qualities you notice in them. Notice you may be looking in the mirror of projection at your own authentic self, seeing in them what you dare not see in yourself.
• Ask someone you trust to name the qualities they appreciate in you.
• When you’ve identified some of these qualities, feel what they are like in your body. For example, if one of your essence qualities is enthusiasm, notice if these was fully present in you, how do you sense your posture, your facial expression, how would you breathe, how would your feet connect with the earth. This exercise will help you embody and anchor these qualities.
• In your everyday life, imagine how you would feel, what you would say, what you would eat, if this quality was fully present in you. How would you treat your co-workers, your children, the person who cuts you off on the freeway? Imagining helps your nervous system remember this feeling so you can begin to embody it.
• Imagine this quality, notice what color it might be and let that color fill up your heart and expand throughout your body. Breathe it in and send it out into the world.
  Imagine the little child you were, like the princess and the pea, and see yourself when this quality was fully alive in your little body. Fast forward your imagination to see who that child would be now, having been fully supported to be authentic. And if you dare, step into that imagined you. Walk around, feel what it would be like.

While reawakening your Essence, you will begin to tap into your own inner wisdom and bring ease to your life. Choices become clear when they are made from your Essence rather than the need for safety and protection. Reduce the guesswork about what will make you happy. Notice that when you center yourself in authenticity, you’ll be able to feel whether a certain path will make you happy before you travel it. You’ll become more confident as you realize you don’t need outward approval for your life. You’ll find the courage to make life-transforming decisions.

Stop “Shoulding” On Yourself

You’ll find it easier and easier to live the life you were meant to live rather than “shoulding” on yourself. You can release addictions, compulsive or self-defeating behaviors since you live on purpose.

And once you have named and recognize these core qualities, you will begin to recognize them in others and help them to also awaken to their authentic selves.

The post The Authentic Self and Your Inner Wisdom appeared first on Oregon Somatic Therapy.

Imagine going to a concert hall. A single singer walks on stage and entertains for the entire evening.

Compare that with a dazzling stage set. The orchestra tunes up in a chorus of cacophony. Then the singers enter, one by one. Voice added to voice. The music swells to the corners of the hall lifting you up.

Now imagine you add your voice to the choir of voices. You feel the link to all voices yet retain your own unique voice. You experience “The One and The Many.”

You’ve just had a taste of the integration that comes with working with your unique inner states. You become the conductor in the flow of independent voices linked together by common purpose.

Chaos in the Choir

Working with clients, no matter what issue they bring, most struggle with what I call “Chaos in the Choir.” Depression, for example, is singing so loudly it drowns out the entire choir. Wrestling with the challenges of anxiety, grief or stress, it’s difficult to find the songs inside that are calm, peaceful, creative let alone joyful.

It Sounds Easy

When we feel confident and clear headed, it feels easy to manage momentary feelings of anxiety, discouragement or stress. But as the voice of the Anxious One, for example, gets louder and more chaotic, most people instinctively try to gag it and put it in a sound-proof room. Get rid of it, like the Queen of Hearts in Alice in Wonderland said, “Off with his head!” In the land of psychology this is called denial and repression.

Compassionate Choir Leader

Everyone has implicit memory: layers of experience woven from emotions, memories, body sensations and actions that are stored below conscious awareness. Until they are not. When we experience overwhelming stress, a trauma or loss, these implicit memories become explicit and give voice to The Depressed One or other challenging “songs.” The gifted Choir Leader hears this discordant song and kindly listens and supports the singer to express the pain or concern. When the process is too difficult, the Choir Leader calls upon her own voice coach for expertise.

Donna’s Story

Everyone has different states of being that embody temperament, needs and skills. And sometimes these states conflict. For example, Donna was a successful office manager who had a series of stresses: divorce, a company reorganization and a challenging teenager at home. She navigated these challenges on her own. But when she had a minor car accident, her Anxiety emerged telling her to isolate, eat comfort food and watch TV. Normally a very caring person, she felt irritated with friends and family and then later felt terrible for being so mean to people she cared about.

With help she started listening to the “song” of the Anxious One. She let it speak using the words “I am the One who . . .” Though she wanted to banish its presence in her life, together we listened to its distress. Ironically, the Anxious One suggested the solution that never would have occurred to Donna. She was surprised to find out that it simply wanted to journal, take long walks and to her surprise needed more touch. So, she arranged for a massage and gave herself permission to relax.

She continued to listen to the Anxiety and to her continued surprise, found it became a trusted ally helping her to stay in balance, not the monster she feared. Once she saw that Anxiety was trying to help, she could listen to its song for what it was, a call for help.

Integration

We all have an inherent drive for wholeness and integration. When stress or trauma gets the best of us, integration hits a roadblock. And like a jack in the box, old coping patterns pop up, such as overeating, isolation, playing it safe, compulsive behaviors, anger or sleeplessness.

We can give these patterns a voice and listen to what they have to say, rather than letting them drown out the choir. If we don’t listen, they may try to direct the choir in a chorus of the “Life Sucks” symphony. When we embrace these challenging members of the choir, we enjoy the powerful harmonies in the “Life is Good” oratorio.

The Next Step

If you’re interested in strengthening your inner harmony, consider taking a SoulCollage® workshop. If you’re struggling with a roadblock and need some help finding your inner harmony, consider a few sessions of counseling to reassemble your healthy complexity to find out who’s in your choir and hear their songs.

SoulCollage® gives us a natural, fun and easy way to “integrate the choir” as we learn to identify, listen and eventually welcome all the different “songs” inside.

The post The Concert Called Life: Integrating the Facets of Self appeared first on Oregon Somatic Therapy.

Concerned about further damage, they agreed to wait until morning to decide what to do next.

That evening a temple monk awoke from sleep, inspired to visit the Buddha image. When he gazed at the statue through lamp light, he saw a strange glint. He carefully started to chip away some of the brown stucco. And to his astonishment, he found gold under the plaster. After hours of work, he discovered that the statue was made entirely of pure gold.

Upon inspection they realized that the “clay” Buddha was over 700 years old and made of solid gold. It had been disguised under a layer of clay to camouflage it from Burmese invaders. The clay did its job and the statue was overlooked. And when those who had hidden and protected it were all killed, its secret identity died with them.

Two hundred years later an accident revealed it true identity. It’s turned out to be the largest golden Buddha image in the world and is a most valued treasure of Thailand and of Buddhism.

The post The Golden Buddha: Look below the surface to find your true identity appeared first on Oregon Somatic Therapy.

One of my favorite TV shows is “Whose Line Is It Anyway?” Four comedians take cues from the audience and an irreverent moderator and make just about anything funny. Their slogan is “where anything can happen and usually does.”

Sound a lot like life?

We could learn a lot from Improv, as we face the daily challenges and opportunities in everyday life. Here’s how.

1. Yes . . . And.

Most of us approach life with “Yes . . but” rather than “Yes… and.” When we meet life with “Yes… and” a flat tire can become a comedy of errors. We wake up the morning with a vague feeling of anxiety. “Yes . . . and how will I not get caught in the same old script. letting anxiety push me around and tell me what to do.” A friend says, “Wow that red color looks good on you.” If you tend to brush off validation, try “Yes and it’s a little daring to wear it today.”

“Yes . . . and” says that we accept whatever is happening, rather than blocking, denying or trying to re-negotiate “what is.” You commit fully to living life as it comes and making comedy… or at least not taking yourself so seriously.

“Yes… and” can be a mindful practice to get creative with what is, rather than trying to fight the things with which we disagree. Like water off a duck’s back, we swim freely through life, detouring if we need to, trying a new road… because we can.

For a little video adventure into the land of “Yes… and,” watch “Yes Man” where Carl (Jim Carrey) reluctantly promises to stop being a “No Man” and vows to answer “Yes!” to every opportunity, request or invitation that presents itself thereafter

Try it for 5 minutes, or an hour. Or be daring and try it for a day.

2. Take action and respond.

This can be scary. This is where you stop playing it safe, where you are contributing to the “scene” by stepping up and engaging with the “players” in your life. Take risks, make choices, let go of waiting and engage. When we listen deeply instead of thinking, we can respond from the deep and creative reserves of the right brain, where the unexpected and the profound make life more colorful.

If you’re familiar with Byron Katie, the Four Questions will help you get out of the script playing over and over in your life and, into a new story. Who would you be without the story that you should be more productive? More kind? More organized? Healthier? Ask and find out. Meet your story with “Yes . . . and” Perhaps if you stop “shoulding” on yourself, you might take action and respond to people, events, even your body differently.

3. Tell the Truth. Be Authentic.

If you’ve ever tried improv, you know that trying to be funny, isn’t. But when you are present and can report on what’s happening in your thinking, your emotional self, even your body, it’s easy to be truthful and sometimes funny. If you are present enough to be aware of another’s point of view, emotional state and body language, guess what. You are experiencing empathy — that heart melting connection between too people where life feels vital and alive.

Debbie came in with a powerful self-defeating story that she was so damaged from her chronic work stress, she was going to have to give in to burn out and just quit. Then something interesting happened. She started telling the truth. Not confronting and attacking, but the simple truth. “I’m getting burnt out. I’m gaining weight. I yell at my kids when I get home. I hate living like this.” She stopped “shoulding” on herself and thinking, “I should be able to get my work done. I shouldn’t be so cranky with the kids.”

She used the Four Questions,

1. Is it true I shouldn’t be so discouraged and irritable? Yes
2. Can I really be sure? No, I really am discouraged
3. Who do I become and how do I act when I tell myself I have got to do this for 15 more years until I can retire.” Cranky, exhausted, unproductive . . .
4. Who would I be without the story that I should be able to do this job and be a great mom, and lose weight and volunteer at my kid’s school?

This last question gave her a bit of trouble. In fact she burst into tears. She had never even thought outside the script of her discouraging life. Through her tears she said “I’d be someone who was happy, and creative. I’d look for another job. I’d have adventures with my kids on the weekend instead of beating myself up every waking minute.”

After a few weeks of working with Question Four, the dark cloud that had been surrounding her started to life. She started being a worker, a mother, who did Improv with life. She started thinking outside the box. She looked at her work differently. She started applying for new jobs . . . She started to feel alive again. Life was starting to feel like an adventure, just a little, enough to give her a feeling of possibility.

Bonus Improv Technique:

There are No Mistakes. Watch Whoopi Goldberg and Colin Mocherie on Whose Line Is It Anyway. Notice how they go with anything. They evolve, they make loose associations, they interact intimately and they take themselves lightly. They are so present, so connected that we can’t help but be right there with them, laughing. No Mistakes.

Like Byron Katie says, “It sounds a lot like Namaste.” No Mistakes.

Get help saying “Yes to Life” 

The post Life as Improv appeared first on Oregon Somatic Therapy.

If you feel bad enough, you may make temporary changes, but then fall back into the old pattern once the self-hate-motivation has worn off. And guess who’s waiting to tell you what a loser you are . . . the Inner Critic again.

This cycle can be very discouraging.

Most people mistakenly believe that change is a simple 2 step process:

1. You make up your mind to change
2. Then you change.

Oops. Not so easy.

Behavioral scientist, John Prochaska, studied 1000s of people who successfully changed an important pattern in their lives. And he found some amazing results: It takes five distinct stages to create long lasting, satisfying, sustainable change.

And each stage has a number of tasks. It’s a little like a baby learning to walk or riding a bicycle. So give yourself a break!

Think of something you’d like to change. It might be arguing less with your child, going to the gym, eating more healthy food, cutting down on alcohol or drugs, dropping a few pounds. Then take this little survey. It will help you identify what stage of change you are in and perhaps be a little more gentle with yourself. You can tell the Inner Critic to get off your back. . . . or people who think nagging you will help you change.

Write down the number based on how true each statement feels for you right now, not what you have felt in the past or would like to feel.

Then see the scoring below and what it means. Then if you’re ready, get to work!

1 = Strongly Disagree  2 = Disagree  3 = Undecided  4 = Agree  5 = Strongly Agree

What I’d like to change is _____________________________________________________________________

Typical thoughts of each stage

1. As far as I’m concerned, I don’t have any problems that need changing. _____
2. I guess I have faults, but there’s nothing that I really need to change. _____
3. I have worries but so does the next guy. Why spend time thinking about them? _____
4. I’ve been thinking that I might want to change something about myself. _____
5. I have a problem with ____________ and I really think I should work at it. _____
6. I wish I had more ideas on how to solve the problem with ___________. _____
7. I’m talking with people who can help me with _________________ _____
8. I have started working on my problems with _______________ but I would like help. _____
9. I have a plan to start one of these days when it feels right. _____
10. Even though I’m not always successful in changing, I am at least working on my problem with _______________ _____
11. I’ve been making these changes for the last 3 months and it’s starting to feel pretty good. _____
12. Anyone can talk about changing. I’m actually doing something about it. _____
13. I have been successful in working on my problem with _____________ for quite a while now. Sometimes I slip, but overall, it’s going well _____
14. I thought once I had resolved my problem with _______________ I would be free of it, but sometimes I still find myself struggling with it. _____
15. I’d like some help, so I don’t slip back with the positive changes I’ve made again _____

Scoring

Notice in which stage you are working and notice what you expect of yourself. Are you working on the most effective tasks? If you are trying to be in the action stage but have not completed the contemplation tasks, you may feel frustrated and discouraged. It may be time to revise how fast you think you can make change, so that it is a satisfying and sustainable new part of your life.

Read about the stages below to help you focus on activities that will help you get a home run and decrease your frustration or discouragement.

Pre-contemplation

You probably don’t recognize that there is a problem. People may tell you there is a problem but it’s either not important, or you simply don’t agree.

· Your only task is to simply notice that there are problems or disadvantages to the current state of affairs

Contemplation

In this stage you start to see that there is a problem. You wonder if the things you do, think or feel bring about the problem. You start to see that choices you make lead to unwanted consequences. You may believe that you can’t do anything about it, but you see your role. The more you define and explore the problem, the more clarity you get that a solution may be possible. You may develop a little more confidence that a better way is possible. You are contemplating. You cannot skip this stage! For some people it can last weeks, months, years and even most of one’s life. You think maybe someday you’ll do something about it. Important tasks for you to do include:

• Become aware of problems associated with behavior.
• Notice ambivalent regarding positives and negatives.
• Explore the potential to change.
• Develop the desire to change behavior and some confidence and commitment.
• Considering change in the future, not now
• Start to focus on future not past,

Decision Point 

Something happens that wakes you up, makes you think. It’s usually something bad that makes you realize it’s time to do something different. For example, you miss a deadline at work and people are really mad at you. You know you need to make some changes. This is an event, not a stage that helps you realize that the negatives of the behavior out-weigh the positives. You are now motivated to take action.

Preparation

When you arrive in the Preparation Stage, you see that what you do, think and feel, brings causes the problem. It isn’t someone else’s fault. You start to see that since you are the cause, you may be part of the solution too. You start to develop confidence. You start thinking about a plan to change. Important! Notice that you are not changing anything yet! But you are getting ready. And like the contemplation stage, you cannot skip over this stage. Important tasks in this stage include:

• Accept responsibility to change behavior.
• Evaluate and select techniques for behavior.
• Develop a plan.
• Build confidence and commitment.
• Have a start date in mind for intended changes
• Resolve ambivalence
• Motivate yourself with pros not the cons
• Design workable, concrete, practical plan, made up of small manageable steps

Action

Now you have a concrete plan to make changes that really matter to you. You’ve got the support, information, time, money and energy to change and all of a sudden it seems much easier. You’ve broken your plan into manageable steps. And you take that first steps on your new improved life. Important activities for this stage include:

• Engage in a new behavior that is sustainable because it was some immediate rewards
• Gain new insights and develops new skills
• Consciously choose new behavior
• Learn to recognize and redirect unwanted behavior
• Realize you’ll be practicing these changes for 3 – 6 month
• Get help and support to sustain positive motivation

Maintenance

In this stage, you have successfully made your changes and are enjoying the benefits. You’ve had a few slips, and you practice how to get back to a new improved plan that works better each time you revise it. You know your danger zones and how to either avoid them or maneuver through them. You have help and support when you need it. The change seems to sustain itself, simply because you feel better and are happier. This stage only happens when you’ve changed behavior for at least six months. Important aspects of the Maintenance Stage include:

• Master the ability to sustain new behavior with minimum effort through the ups and downs of life
• Establish desired new behavior patterns and self-control so they take a minimum of effort, and are a simple part of everyday life
• Remain alert to high-risk situations and have a plan to manage them
• Focus is on lapse prevention.
• Adopt a new self-image consistent with desired behavior and lifestyle.
• Feel confident and enjoy the sense of mastery
• Enjoy a healthier and happier life.
• Identify and manage relapse challenges

If you are struggling with changing a pattern in your life, and you need a little support to move through these stages, counseling can help. If you’d like to set up an appointment, please give me a call or email to find out how the Secret Science of Change can help you succeed.

References

McConnaughy, E.N., Prochaska, J. O., & Velicer, W.F. (1983). Stages of change in psychotherapy: Measurement and sample profiles. Psychotherapy: Theory, Research and Practice, 20, 368-375.

http://web.uri.edu/cprc/measures/

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